More Not Less

We deserve more not less.  A simple yet taxing thought.  My entire life, I have given into this notion of settling.  In work, in the way I have loved myself and taught others how to love me, and in decisions - assuming that taking less will make me more benevolent and feeling less will make me less susceptible to emotional pain.  I am very aware of my desire, worth and expectation, but for some odd reason, I’ve been programmed to accept less than I deserve — ultimately leaving me with the question:  Am I enough?  And frankly, I am certain that I am not the only one with this cluttered thought. 

Well the short answer is, YES. Oh heck yes, absolutely, positively, yes, yes, yes to the power of a million billion trillion and some.  WE are far more than enough.  But of course this realization, for me, didn’t just happen overnight.  It took my dedication to the unlearning of this learned behavior, that gave me the ability to see much more clearly:

We deserve so much more and not at all less.  

Regardless of our upbringing, our status and our lineage, some of us feel tremendous guilt and shame for no reason of our own, but rather the life in which we were born into.  For me, I have held incredible amounts of guilt for the accessibility and safety of my growth.  The fact that there has been food on my table and a pillow for me to rest my head on at night, was and is something I do not take for granted.  The ability to get a great education and the fact that even during moments of profound vulnerability, I was rarely unsafe.  Shame, however, reacts uniquely in my space.  Even when I have been faced with internal struggle, I refused to wear it on my sleeve as I felt like my pain was insignificant compared to the suffering others had and were enduring.  So while I was battling treacherous lows and questioning my everything, I still refused to vocalize my struggle because I didn’t think it was as heavy as the weight others had to bare.  Perhaps because I was afraid to face my reality or maybe because I learned at a very early age, that in the grand scheme of things, we are small and our pains are no worse than those before and around us — someone always has it harder.  

That is absolutely true, however, it hindered my ability to feel and accept my own worth.  How can I simply say that I deserve “more,” when the majority of beings around the world don’t even have a fraction of what I have?  I have no answer.  But what I do know, is that my trauma and pain is significant and deserving of acknowledgment from myself, so that I can face the darkness that I have known.  Only then, can I experience light and with light I can exude hope and warmth to those around me, hopefully resulting in some form of a ripple effect.  My inner work and internal acceptance of my own hardships, can ultimately help others discover their own.  And by unlearning this confined notion of hiding from my truth to spare others, I will crack open the seeds of change and acceptance for myself  -  ultimately, addressing the fact that I am far more than enough and deserving of much much more than what I have accepted thus far.

We deserve more not less, and only when we see and feel our worth, can we grasp all that is in our reach. 

Love & Light